Smart Parenting for Smart Kids: Nurturing Your Childs True Potential

My kid is smart, but...It takes more than school smarts to create a fulfilling life. In fact, many bright children face special challenges: Some are driven by perfectionism; Some are afraid of effort, because theyre used to instant success; Some routinely butt heads with authority figures; Some struggle to get along with their peers ; Some are outwardly successful but just dont feel good about themselves.This practical and compassionate book explains the reasons behind these struggles and offers parents doable strategies to help children cope with feelings, embrace learning, and build satisfying relationships. Drawing from research as well as the authors clinical experience, it focuses on the essential skills children need to make the most of their abilities and become capable, confident, and caring people.Q&A with CoAuthor Eileen KennedyMoore, PhDCoAuthor Eileen KennedyMoore, PhD Why did you write a book about smart kids?Its ironic that the children (and adults) who are most frightened about not being good enough are often the most capable. These children may become extremely anxious before testseven though theyre very competent academically. They may spend way too much time on assignments or refuse to do anything where they arent instantly successful. They may also pick apart their social performanceI shouldnt have said that. Shell be mad at me. To the outside world, these kids may seem confident, but their parents often see the other side: their stress, suffering, and even emotional meltdowns.The world tells bright children that their performance matters; they need us, their parents, to tell them that they are much more than the sum of their accomplishments. They need to know that we love them for their kindness, curiosity, imagination, determination, and sense of fun. Qualities like these arent necessarily impressive, but they matter deeply.You discuss the burden of potential. What does that mean?Potential becomes a burden when we see it too narrowly, as a predestined calling to greatness. This causes children to be weighed down by other peoples expectations. It limits their ability to explore and discover and sometimes even mess up and try again. A narrow view of potential focuses on an imaginary future ideal rather than the real child in front of us.Potential is not an endpoint but a capacity to grow and learn. It makes no sense to talk about children not living up to their potential, as if there were some lofty gold ring that our children will either jump high enough to reach or else fall short. In real life, there are lots of choices, lots of chances, and lots of paths.Do parents need to push their children to be successful?No. Pushing might work with some very compliant children, but many children will actively resist heavyhanded efforts to control them, and the resulting conflicts can get ugly. Children who perceive their parents as very critical of them are also more likely to feel depressed and anxious.Rather than trying to push our children, it makes more sense to help them develop their own motivation to do well. Research points to three components of inner motivation:1) CompetenceMastering a new skill feels satisfying, but children will avoid doing things where they dont believe they can be successful. Breaking tasks down so they can have small successes along the way helps increase motivation.2) AutonomyChildren are more likely to do something if they have some choice in how they do it or at least a rationale that makes sense to them about why they should do it.3) ConnectionChildren want to do things that make them feel connected to people or groups who matter to them. Our children are most likely to embrace our values when we have a warm and caring relationship with them.What about selfesteem? What can we do to make sure our kids feel good about themselves?It makes intuitive sense that if children feel good about themselves, it will help them do w